Mobile post test

April 15, 2009

I am trying to post from my iPod touch to see if Ioght be better able to start posting again of I don’t need to have my laptop with me.


Mystic Vale, the gospel of Belinda Carlisle and a deer at the side of the road

August 3, 2008

Thursday was filled with doubt, panic and fear. Ray sat with me and knew that  could do what was needed even though i felt paralyzed.

Friday was my Dad’s 60th birthday and I struggled with the decision to go or not – i did many readings about it and talked and cried and eventually recognized that i needed to go. I really wanted to go and knew that I would be really upset if I hadn’t been there. My step-mom offered to fly me over for a day and I decided to go – flying out Friday afternoon and back Saturday afternoon. It was absolutely the right decision, it was a wonderful night and I was really pleased to be there with my dad and family. I got to spend some really good time with him and with my sisters. I felt loved and surrounded by support.

Back to Thursday:

Ray kept getting images of a place at UVic called Mystic Vale as we spoke. (Mystic Vale is a magical place that we used to go to frequently with Mabel.  A path through a dark, green, magical forest along a creek. You go to the back of one of the parking lots and follow a path down steps into the valley to the creek. It is surrounded on all sides by roads and the campus but when you are in the trees you can’t hear any of it. And yes, it is actually called Mystic Vale!)

I packed up my wand and some offerings and we went – quickly before the paralysis could come back.

Walking into the green I saw the path that had been in my afternoon dream/trance – i didn’t remember that there was a path to the right away from the stairs down to the creek, but it was clearly the path that i had been on in my dream so i followed it. It went into the green and the trees covered the path like a tunnel. I made offerings and asked permission to enter Faery.  This is the path that I have already walked – the part of Faery that I have been to before. Green and glowing. At the end of the green tunnel was a gold brown grassy clearing – across the grass was trees and brambles.

This is where I had encountered the challenger last week and he was here again. I approached this time standing tall, wand in hand.

I was grounded and filled with will, wand fire. I presented myself, made offerings and asked permission to proceed towards my transformation. I am ready and willing to be changed and to take action to make that change in my life. I am welcomed and proceed through the dusky rain through the brown grass. I am drawn towards a Gate. Between two large cedar trees stands a Silver Tree – bare silver dead branches reaching towards the sky and looking deep into me standing on a green living trunk. They are on the other side of the creek and brambles and it isn’t possible to get over to the them.

As I walked into the clearing I spoke my intent, my desire to fulfill my destiny, my work, my transformation. I explored the clearing – brown grass flattened into paths leading to large and strange plants. Huge plant that looked like the dry skeleton of Queen Ann’s Lace but was taller than me and the flower heads were 18 inches across. Purple and green flowers on a bush as tall as me. They look like thistles but the stems and branches are smooth and purple, green leaves. The flowers die and turns into burrs the size of marbles. Wild purple sweet peas.

It was raining harder and getting darker – eventually knew it was time to leave and that I was to come back on Saturday – the final day of the dark moon and Lammas. Leaving, making offerings and expressing gratitude, asking to leave I walked back through the green to the car. 


Last night I went back to Mystic Vale – returning to Faery to complete my journey.

I walked down the path – the green passage – making offerings and preparing to pass again into the clearing. I spent a while lying on a tree whose trunk was covered in soft moss and shaped like a reclining chair. I listened to the sounds of the green and sank deeper into my grounding and Faery. When I was ready I got up and continued along the path.

When I approached the clearing the fire in my belly grew, my wings spread and my grounding became even stronger. The energy of the three stars was running quickly through the centre of me.

I introduced myself: “Christina, student-daughter of Sage”. Spoke about my willingness to be changed, my intent and desire to make the journey towards my transformation. To know myself and my work as a human manifestation of Miria – as one of the Bright Spirits that fell to earth. I made my offerings and walked into the grass.

Along the way through the green and in the clearing there were many ripe berries but I didn’t eat any. They were glowing and inviting in a way that reminded me that they are not human food! They were a test, a temptation away from my work, my mission to return to the human world transformed.

I followed a different path this time and came to a crossroads. I chose a path that put me face to face with a  large Faery (I wasn’t given their name and it appeared as a bush with large thistle shaped burrs the size of eggs and purple flowers. I was asked about Love. I didn’t have words but instead offered them Love energetically. It was an intense strengthening of my grounding up and down, my wings spread and a glowing emanation flowed from me towards them – a green, pink, yellow fog shimmering and surrounding the plant. My energy stayed strong and intact.

The Love was returned many fold and was overwhelming. I felt charged and alive and awake. I was spun around and back to the crossroads.

Down a different path I came upon a challenger – a very sharp thistle (really this time!) at the edge of a very steep descent into the creek bed. I was challenged to show courage so i held the thistle back with my wand and started down the hill. I felt a cheer of encouragement behind me as I found my way down the path – again just a space of flattened grass but here I couldn’t tell where the ground was below it. I made my way down and up again and found myself at the edge of the trees that were across the clearing from where i started.

again the berries were glowing but the thorns on their brambles said stay away.

I wasn’t able to get all the way to the Silver Tree in the gate that was calling me on Thursday, but was much closer. There was a very tall stump with woodpecker holes all over it. When I climbed up on a log to touch it the sound of the birds and the wind in the trees became much louder.

I was turned around away from the stump and walked back across the creek bed, this time along a different path but it led back to the crossroad. I had walked on all four paths of this crossroad now.

While standing in the centre I heard the voice of the Silver Tree in the wind and birds.

Both Death and Life are at essence Love and are constant transformation.

There is never an end to the change, never a goal.

Death requires living – perhaps more so than Life.

Breath is a choice by your body – a choice to continue with Life. Make decisions, move in your Life.

You are human to make change, love, priestess.

Carry the thorn, remember that pain is not Death, but Life.

The thistle, the burr the sticks are your challenge and your gift.

Come back and rest – eat next time, you are welcome to walk amongst us here.

Unstick and Love.

I turned to leave and walked back to the entrance the way I had come. I made offerings and went back to the green passageway. I asked permission to return through the green and back to the human world. There was some significant energy shifts – it felt like a negotiation and then a jolt of energy.

Just like when I was walking in I could feel the presence of my Allies behind me. I was pushed as I walked down the path. I realize that they were behind me as I entered through the green but that they were not with me in the clearing – i had been alone.

I saw Ray and Mabel standing halfway down the path and I walked up to them. I greeted them with Love and we walked out of the green together. I made final offerings in gratitude.

As I left I realized I was humming – Ray identified it as ‘Heaven Is A Place on Earth’ by Belinda Carlisle!

Driving off the campus, there was a large female deer standing by the side of the road. Our eyes met and she crossed the road behind me. The only other time I have seen a deer at UVic was in September of first year (13 years ago!).

The song has been running through my head and I bought it online so I could hear the full lyrics.


‘Heaven Is A Place on Earth’

Belinda Carlisle, 1987


Ooh baby, do you know what that’s worth?

Ooh, heaven is a place on earth

They say in heaven that love comes first

We’ll make heaven a place on earth

Ooh, heaven is a place on earth


When the night falls down

I wait for you

And you come around

And the world’s alive

With the sound of kids

On the street outside


When you walk into the room

You pull me close and we start to move

And we’re spinning with the stars above

And you lift me up in a wave of love…


Ooh, baby, do you know what that’s worth ?

Ooh heaven is a place on earth

They say in heaven love comes first

We’ll make heaven a place on earth

Ooh heaven is a place on earth


When I feel alone

I reach for you

And you bring me home

When I’m lost at sea

I hear your voice

And it carries me


In this world we’re just beginning

To understand the miracle of living

Baby I was afraid before

But I’m not afraid anymore


Ooh, baby, do you know what that’s worth ?

Ooh heaven is a place on earth

They say in heaven love comes first

We’ll make heaven a place on earth

Ooh heaven is a place on earth



July 17, 2008

my garden has sucked me in. i am restless and fidgety when i am inside and head outside at any opportunity… it is growing and growing and growing. i have a bag of spinach i had to harvest before it bolted totally and the greens are growing so fast that i can’t make a dent in them!

i haven’t felt motivated like this in a really long time. nothing has driven me since I started spinning but my hands won’t cooperate so i haven’t been doing much of that lately. it’s wonderful.

i have been moving more and smiling more and am really proud of myself.

it’s good. i have done all that needs to be done for the time and am looking around for the next project. i think the plants are probably tired of my incessant staring – do you think that seeds are like watched pots?

we put up the pavilion this afternoon and had lunch and a nap outside. it was wonderful – it’s been a long day of lots of stress on top of joy, but right now I am happy tired and eating ice cream.

I will try to upload a photo or two soon of the garden progress.


slow and awake

July 9, 2008

my body and my spirit want me to slow down – to find a way to be awake, alert, aware and slow at the same time.

I don’t feel like i know how to do this – I am good at speedy/driven or total collapse, the extremes. I run in circles (even when sitting still) – always doing (even when I don’t accomplish much). Escape from the chaos of speed means collapse – a wave of fatigue that overwhelms me when I am overwhelmed. 

I got the lesson early in life (and ongoing) that the way to deal with problems is to do, to push through, to just keep moving. I need to understand and fix, I need to either focus and do or avoid, hide and collapse.

I have a knowing deep inside that this is not the way that I am to live my life. That this is not the way towards health and wellness, that i need to slow down and find a way to stay awake to my life. This feels scary and unattainable but there are places in my life where I am able to do this. Spinning, gardening, magic, tai chi.

There are lessons and deep wisdom in the earth. worms slide through the earth in slow but deliberate movements, seeds wait until the ground is warm and wet enough before reaching slowly up and down, the plates move with grinding constancy, effecting massive change with slow intention.

I can and do live this way even though I am so familiar with the extremes. The path to ecstasy is slow and easeful but requires presence, aliveness and being awake.


cats – health

July 8, 2008

Last week we discovered a huge abscess on Finn and had to take him to the hospital to have it drained – we are really glad we didn’t try to do it ourselves as it ended up being really really really bad and it smelled horrible. I am not squeamish, but this might be the worst would i have ever seem/smelt! We spent a week draining it three times a day and feeding him antibiotics and he seems to be doing a lot better.

Yesterday we took Dart to the hospital because it appeared that he was having trouble breathing – mouth open, chin stuck out, coughing, wheezing… the kept him overnight and ran a whole lot of very expensive tests that all came back normal (he isn’t even anemic – better than me!). At around 4 am he vomited a piece of spear grass that must have been caught in his throat! Kathryn remembers that he did this a few years ago too (i don’t remember this but i trust her).

He is home now and seems to be breathing better but is still coughing and is producing mucous. He is eating alright and sleeping a lot but I am still worried. I think I will take him to see our regular vet tomorrow. I am worried that he might still have some of that grass in his throat.


Given that we are getting messages about our boundaries being threatened and continuing psychic attacks, I am wondering what the significance of these injuries might be.

Abscess – trapped infection under the skin, putrid, pus, bacteria, invasion, bite, injury from a fight, lancing and draining, awful smell, festering… what needs to be drained? what needs to be exposed?

Spear Grass – barbed, invasion, stuck in his throat, coughing, wheezing, choking, mucous… communication? 5th chakra? breath? air = life/inspiration/beginnings? K’s injury from the original attack was in her throat…


water invasion

July 8, 2008

there is a guy that lives in the apartment building next door that is driving us crazy! he has been spending most of the last 5 days standing outside with a beer in his hand watering the grass around the building. This might seem like it’s not a big deal but he isn’t restricting the water to his lawn – he’s been spraying the sidewalks, the road, the fence and the grass in front of my house too. If we have our windows open we can hear the sound of the spray like some incessant insect. Today he was outside spraying for over 7 hours!!!

We have called the city water conservation office to report it since he in blatant violation of the bylaw – it’s just heartbreaking to see all that water run down the street and into the drain…

Aside from the huge water issues, we are starting to feel under siege. He is constantly right next to our fence, he is spraying into our yard and on the boulevard in front. On the weekend he was washing the fence and actually sprayed directly into our kitchen through the windows. We are observed all the time – we are keeping the side windows and curtains closed.

K has been having some dreams about past attacks continuing and our boundaries needing reinforcement and all both of our cats have gotten very sick over the last two weeks. This water guy feels like an attack – he is the same guy who cut down the trees that shielded our windows from the apartment building and busy road last summer…

Something is going on and we’re going to have to do something about it… I am going to put out some offerings and run a ring of salt around our property tomorrow to reinforce our circle. The mirrors we have on the outside of the house need to be polished and recharged.


Happy Gay Day!

July 6, 2008

our wedding rings - my best \'gay day\'

As my goddess daughter said this morning –

Happy Gay Day!

We were reluctant, but we went to the pride parade this morning. My mom and step-dad organized the group from the unitarian church that walked in the parade. If my parents are going to go to all that trouble and walk in the blazing heat because they support me, then we really should go and support them!

There were likely to be a lot of people there that we didn’t want to see or are no longer safe for us so we called in our spirit allies and protection and went down. We have every right to be there and it was important. 

In the end, we made it just in time to see the 50 foot pride banner from church that was carried by my parents and all our friends from church. We walked a little way with them – until they decided that they needed to run to catch up – that was the end for me! We moved the car and went over to the park for the festival. This was the place we were most likely to run into people so with a deep breath we crossed the street and walked into the crowd. 

It turned out to be insanely hot and both of us started to burn and overheat almost immediately so running into people started to seem like less of a problem! We retreated to the shade and hung out with M and RR (our goddess daughter – who is amazingly fey – more about this another time) and waited for my parents to find us. It was actually really nice to be near all of those people but not right in the middle. Too much energy in the crowd, but the edge was good and we never even saw someone we didn’t want to. Our allies and protection worked – even if it was by chasing us out of the sun! It was stressful but it was really good to see M and RR. My parents found us and we drove them back to their car at the beginning of the route.

My parents are really supportive and it’s nice to see. They seemed much more attached to the importance of Pride than K or me.

I realize that I have moved past the point of my life when my primary self-identification was about my queerness. There was a time that I didn’t leave the house without some rainbow symbol – I felt naked without it. I am so far from that place that it seems strange in retrospect, but it is a very small part of my life now. 

The people I love, my spirituality, my illness and disability, discovering what my work is in the world, my art, my garden – this is what is important to me now.

But – for today – Happy Gay Day!